27 Funny Parenting Quotes That Confirm You’re Not Crazy & Alone in this Mom Thing!

Parenting is no laughing matter! Raising people can be down right brutal but it is also one of the greatest privileges anyone can ever have.

I love being a mom and it’s literally been a dream of mine since as long as I can remember. But this mom thing is crazier than I EVER thought it would be!

Funny Parenting quotes

And as they say, laughter is the best medicine. So check out these funny parenting quotes that are sure to make you feel like an official member of the Hot Mess Mom Society. Being a fun mom starts with being able to laugh at ourselves.

Funny Parenting Quotes for All Parents

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Funny parenting quotes

“A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”  – Jerry Seinfeld

“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” – Erma Bombeck

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” – Milton Berle

Nurse: handing me a newborn You got this? Me: Sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read the instructions for mac ‘n’ cheese” – @mommy_cusses

“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” – Lane Olinghouse“

“Silence is golden…unless you have kids, then silence is just suspicious.”

“Me: you’re going to bed in 5 minutes. Toddler: No. Twenty minutes! Me: Ok. puts him to bed in 2 minutes because he has no concept of time.”

“When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.” – @SarcasticMommy4

“Having children is like living in a frat house…Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken and there’s a lot of throwing up.” Ray Romano

“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” Jenny McCarthy

“It’s like kids can just smell when you start relaxing.”

“Wake up extra early so you and your kids can still be 20 minutes late where ever you go.”

Funny Parenting Quotes for New Moms

Funny parenting quotes

“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”– Paul Reiser

Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.” ― Jodi Picoult

“I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.” Robert Orben

“Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.” – Marshall McLuhan

“So I stepped away for like two seconds…” the beginning of a parenting horror story.”

“A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.” Maurice Johnston

“How could something so small create so much of something so disgusting?” – Steve Guttenberg in Three Men and a Baby

“Babies are such a nice way to start people.” – Don Herold

Funny Parenting Quotes Just for Dads

“On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven, visiting Daddy’s freedom.” – Ryan Reynolds

Most noticeable difference since becoming a dad: I’ve cried hard TWICE at ‘America’s Got Talent’ this season.” – Seth Meyers

Someone asked my son what his father does for a living. He said, ‘He plays basketball and changes his shorts.”– Taye Diggs

“I really love my kids for about six minutes a day.” – Michael Ian Black

“Fatherhood is great, because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart

“Dads immediately fall in love with their little girls and will let them get away with everything. So moms are going to have to be the disciplinarians when it comes to daughters.” – Jimmy Fallon

“My kids will walk right past their father sitting on the couch and come bang on the shower for me to open a fruit snack pouch.”

Brandi dove headfirst into the passionate world of blogging over 7 years ago when she felt inspired to launch FamilyFelicity in 2017. The name Felicity means great happiness and the joys of heaven, which speaks to her vision for the families she desired to impact with this blog over the years. In 2023, she knew it was time to pass the reigns to another passionate mama to continue the work. Brandi is now helping women thrive in their businesses as a copywriter and branding strategist in her new endeavor Thrive Content Creative. She is thrilled to leave FamilyFelicity in the most capable hands and heart. Thank you DayJah!

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